myboooo*

idk.

I dont even know.. im juss bored & thinkin bout like 28404 million differnt thinqgsz. mOstly juss thynkinn bout life.. & how much its chanqed.. its funny ya know? Your friends wid sum1.. then you don't even talk to them nemore.. & its craziie.. how you can qo frum talkinq to summ1 erryday.. to basically nothinq..it kinda sucKsz..

i dOnt even know. i aint makin sense..

yo0o!

August 19, 2006 - Saturday

my poems ♥ [xO0x] Current mood: awake ii T0LD MYSELF i WAS 0VER Y0U & i W0ULDNt MiSS Y0U ANYMORE.. WUTS THE POiNT 0F ME MiSSiNG y0U.. WEN y0U d0NT CARE AT AlL.. WElL THERES THAT .O01 % CHANCE & HOPE 0F Y0U STill lOViN MEH. tHATS WUT HAS KEPt M3H G0OiiN.. CUZ EVERYDAY.. i WAkE UP & THiNK.. MAYBE tODAY Will BE THE DAY..& MAYBE HE STill dOES lOVE ME? 11/30/06 && whenever i start to get over you,    something makes me think of you again. i hear a song..i hear your naime..&then im back to wishin i was with you again.. then as the tears start to fall, all i can  seem to recall.. is all the days we shared together, and how i thought it would be forever.. <|3 turns out i was wrong.. © [ i wrote that, take it ; you DIE! ]   now everythinq isz goin wrong.. && nothinq iisz right but nobody caresz.. i want to tell sum1.. but do i dare? i dont wanna be judged.. not any more.. so when i leave its forever when i walk out that dOor. i dont want to feel for you anymore, now that its gone.. that is.. if there wus something there to begin with.. i want to hate you for all the pain i`ve been thru  but if that will never happen.. you`ve caused me soo many tears, yet.. i still have love for you, as i have for a year i want to forget you, but i doubt that will tOo.. i just want you to think of me, as i once thought of you.. because now i know, the truth of who i thought you were, & who you really are.. © manda xoo all i would ever hear is "you two, you`ll never last" "your falling 'in love' way too fast" "he`ll break your heart" & "he`ll make yu fall apart" maybe they were right.. after all... did we last?no, just another memory in my past. & now on the outside all im doing is crying, but on the inside.. im dying. you were my world, my everything. after we were over i felt i didn't have anything. when i told you i loved you & i meant forever. you made me fall for you MORE & more, you should have said goodbye for good, when you walked out that door. ** <|3 Skeptial Of Everyone thatsz around meh, some people lie, or just turn you down othersz let you kno how they really feel It confuses me and feels unreal.. I Have No idea of the matter I dont want my love for you to shatter <|3 I've been torn into bits before Please dont let it happen anymore. . . Im scared and dont know what to do And ii cant stop thinking about you No one makes my smile so bright all ii want you to do it hold meh tight Its been hurt too many times I've locked it up like all the crimes Memories take me back to where I want to be Your the only one I really want to really see I dont know what all this means Are you more then just in my dreams At the moment I am just waiting All I want is to be happy once again I want you to be more then just your [[friend]] you left a bruise on my heart... <..3 Y0OH NEVER KN0W WAT Y0OH HADd.. UNTiL iTS G0NE.. && y0U NEVER KN0W H0W BAd Y0U WANTED SUMTHiNG.. UNTiL Y0U CAN`T HAVE iT..* tHE BESt THiNGSZ ARE WEN THEY ARE lEAST EXPECtED* && Y0OH CAN`t CHANGE WAT y0OH DiD [O0R] DiDNt DO iN THA PASt.. JUST KN0W WAt tO D0 iN THA FUTURE..*   iTS AMAZiNG HOW HE CHANGED MY liFE.. && H0W HE WAlkED 0UWT liKE iT WAS NOTHiNG..*iTS AMAZiNG HOW HE lEFT ME HERE.. && HOW i STiLL SiT HERE THiNKiN OF HiM..* iTS AMAZiNG HOW S0O MANY THiNGS REMiND ME OF HiM..* iTS AMAZiNG HOW HE ACTUALLY CAME BACK..* EVEN MORE.. i`M lETTiN HiM C0ME BACkK..iTSZ AMAZiNG HOW i STiLL LOVE & CARE F0R HiM.. iSNT iT?? WHY AM i ASkiNG YOU.. NOT liKE Y0U WOUlD KNOW*  [ written on 8.24.20o6 ] Now i know.. I Know how it feels to miss someone,  & not being able to do ANYTHiNG about it.  loving someone so much, & not being able to change their mind,  & thoughts. hating yourself because of things you did or did not do.  & not being able to change the past. now i know, you have to live & learn from all the mistakes you have made, & try not to make them again. now i know, not to love anyone more then yourself, because when you do.. thats when you fall the hardest. i neva had a dream come true until the day i found you i kno thats corny, but its true. i love you then, i love you still.. i love you now.. & i always will.. but you dont care bout me nemore.. but yesz.. i styll have feeliinqsz fOr yu.. i dont know why.. sumtimes i miss you so much.. i juss wanna break down & cry but i kno you dont love me nemore..so why does this love for you remain..why does my heart be faster weneva i hear yur naime?.. Time goes by& feelings change, new friendships emerge && old friendships burn out. Time goes by& you realize you are a completely different person. Time goes by& people you thought were your friends really become your enemies. Time goes by& emotions change The only thing you can really control.. is your actions. You are my world, you are the reason i wake up each morning, and without you here with me in this world, I don't think I could live a perfectly happy life. Because now a days, your the ONLY thing that makes me TRULEY happy, every secound I`m away from you , I can't help but miss you & wish I was with you. your the first person i think of when i wake up* [&] your the last person i think of before i go to sleep <3i think of you all day, i can never get you out of my head - not that thats a bad thing- because i love thinking of you ; everytime i think of you i can`t help but smile & everytime ii see your gorgeous face i can`t help but get weak in tha knees* i love you with all of my heart & i dont kno wat i would do without you in mah life ~before i met you ; everything was okay ; but now that your in mah life everything is perfect && every secound ii`m not with you i`m a complete && total mess  Even though shit isn't really how I wanted it to be right now  maybe one day it will be. Reguardless to whoever else may come along, you still got that spot as my first love.I hope one  day we can be what we used to be, without the stupid fights over the liddle things.I hope we can go back to how we used  to be, talking about everything & anything. Talking for hours  about nothing. & Most of all I hope that you can love me again . because the truuth isz I still love you, Ialways have ; ever since we  talked, i loved you that moment & I made a promise that i  always will. i dunt kno wat love is, but wen i`m wid you, i feel  soo safe, && i forget about everythinq else .. nothin else matters. its about here && now. && wen you leave.. your all i want. all i wonder is wen the next day i get to see you.. && thats the reason i get up EVERYDAY. in hopes the next day i get to spend even ONE minute wit you. so is this love? i dono.. but its the best feeling in the wurld. <3  i dont know why i am still thinkinq about him.. or even thinking that i still want to be with him..* maybe its because hes the only person i truley loved with all of my heart, and would die for; maybe thats why i still think of him everyday..but wat i rly wanna know is.. why did i loose him ? could i have done sumthing to have him still.. yeah i probly could have.. but wat? why would you tell me you love me? & then go and break my heart..* i guess i should i have seen this coming.. but i was blinded by your love* & this is killing me to kno that you dont love meh nemore..* & i just stay awake each night.. & wonder.. why?? why am i not good enough for him..? why did he even stay with me as long as he did?? =/ why did he love me.. im nothing special.. i never was.. & i never will be.. why does no1 love me? will anyone ever? =/ i dont kno the answer.. but im thinking.. no1 will love me.. nope.. never.   BUt Y0U MAd3 MEH FEEl S0O q0OD..* YO0H C0UlD MAkE MEH FEEl BEAUTiFUl N0 MATTER WAt* && Y0OH C0Uld MAkE ME SMiLE WEN Y0U SAiD THA SiMPLEST THiNGsZ* i FiRST TlKED t0 Y0U.. & i H0W i WASZ S0O SCARED, && WEN i FiRST LAYD Mii EYESZ 0N y0OH.. i WASZ S0O HAPPY.. i D0NT THiNk ANYTHiNG C0UlDA BR0UGHT M3H D0WN THAT DAY.. Y0OH WERE / AND ARE PERFECt T0 M3H , EVEN THOUGH Y0U BROKE MAH HEARt, Y0U KN0W H0W t0 PUt iT BACk T0GETHER < P>    Nobody Cares nobody cares about the troubles i face, nobody cares about the problems i have, to tell you the truth, i have actually forgotten how to hurt, and i am beginning to not care about me too.. i hate everything about you, yet i love you so much, and i know that i am FAR for them girl you dream about, but i am not asking for forEVER, i'm just asking for a chance, but lets face it i will NEVER be good enough for you.     [ from 8th grade ] Every second im away from you i cant help but miss you & want to be right by your side. They say " Love  is when you dont want to sleep, because reality is better then any dream." and thats what you have given me. I truley love you with all of my hearrt* and iit makesz me so happy when you say you*love me* need me * or that you miss me ; because that is exactly how i feel about you. I want to be with you forever, until my dying day. Nobody could ever change how i feel about you. & I just wish i could be in your arms forever , be by your side everyday, because when i am with you everything is perfect nothing can go wrong & i feel completely safe. [ even frum dem aliensz haha ] Before I met you i thought my life wasz pretty good.. dammn my life was nothing without you.. i just started living. Now that you are in my life ; its perfect and i need you, i love you way too much to ever loose you. I love your voice; your smile ; the way you can make me smile and the way you make me feel whenever i see you & am with you* The way you say my naime.. lets juss say i`ve never liked mah naime soo much* i love the way you look at me & the way you kiss me. Baby i love you inside & out. you are perfect to me x3* Whenever Im with you ; you make me feel incredibly special you make me feel like im so beautiful. Whenever i am with you ; i am the HAPPiEST girl in tha wurld* ii would do anything to make you smile. I would risk my life for you, I would take a bullet for you, if it meant you would live a happy life ; cause thats all i want is you happy, & I guess, even if it means, not with me. They say " never leave the one you LOVE for the one you LiKE because the one you LiKE will leave you for the one they LOVE " and i want you to know that i would never leave you, i CANT picture myself with anybody but you. Your the only one i want to be with for the rest of my life & wenn i picture mahself older ;i`m always standing right next to you ; and thats how i want it to be.. thats how its supposed to be.     I miss you right now, but then again I always do. I wonder if you miss me too? Do you feel the way I do? Does your heart ache too? I can`t sleep late at night, while I`m thinkinq of you. I think of all the reasons I loved you, & all the reasons I still do. The truth is, I don`t know if I will ever truley get ovver you.. You have the title, of my first true love. & you always will. I hope you know that i still care, and still want to be with youu, but why do i dare? - wrote on  June 11, 2006.. ALL WRiTEN BY ME

waddappp.

|[ ii d0NT kN0W ]| Current mood: confused THiNKiNG & L0OKiNG BACk T0 WUHT WE WERE, && H0W THiNGS USED T0 BE.. i NEVER THOUGHT THiNGS W0ULD BE THE WAY THEY ARE N0W.. JUST L0OKiNG 0N WUHT WE HAD.. & WUHT i`VE BEC0ME.. H0W MUCH THINGS CAN CHANGE;; iTS CRAZY. S0METiMES i WiSH i NEVER MET Y0U.. BUT THEN i W0ULDNT KNOW H0W L0VE FEELSZ WElL AT lEAST i W0ULDNT HAVTA DEAL WiTH THiS PAiN & HURT i FEEL EVERYDAY.. CUHZ THE TRUTH iSZ.. THERE REALLY iSNT A DAY WHERE ii D0N`T THiNK 0F YUU.. PEOPLE TELL ME N0T T0 CARE.. iTS HARD WHEN HE`S THE FiRST PERS0N Y0U EVER L0VED ..AS MUCH AS i SAY i D0NT CARE, & i HATE HiM.. i C0ULD NEVER HATE HiM.. 0OR N0T CARE.. i C0ULD EVER N0T L0VE HiM. HE`LL ALWAYS BE iN MY HEART. HE`LL AlWAYSZ HAVE THE TiTLE 0F MY FiRST L0VE..  & MATTER FACT.. MY FiRST HEARTBREAK.     --------------------------*~   January 27, 2007 - Saturday |[ C0NfUSEd ]| ii`m confused, bout pretty much errything... i start to think i am over you, but then..i just dont know.. i guess a part  a me.will always care.. & a part of me can't let go.. as much as iwant to.. i dont wanna deaL wid all this hurt & all of this pain you have caused me, cause ya kno wut the funny thing is.. you didnt even know you were tearing me apart ..but now since i know now, your wid her && you`re happy.. i wish i could be.. the one person i want.. doesnt know wut they want =/ mai paco neai   ___________________`~* December 31, 2006 - Sunday |[ Felt LiKe WriTinq.. Mai Pa Co Neai ]| Current mood: confused I Can't Sleep.. Cause Im Sittin Here Thinkin Of How Things Usta Be.. You Remember Back When It Was You& Me? I Just Don't Know Wuht To Do Anymore.. Cuz I`m Missing Your Erryday We Dont Speak A Month, A Year, Even If It's A Week. I Miss You More As The Days Go By.. SomeTimes I Just Sit & Wonder WhYy? Why Did This Happen.. Why To Me? Why Doesnt He Care Anymore, Does He Not See? Cause To Me, It Seemed Like You Didn't Care.. I Was Wondering Why Im Even Still Here. You`ve Made Me So Weak I Dont Even Know Wuht To Beleive Nemore So When You Say You Miss Me.. Do You REally Mean iT? Cause Nething You Say.. I`ll Probably believe iT But, Are You Being For Real.. Or Are You Just Saying It, Cuz Thats How I Feel? Everynow &Then Theres A Part Of Me That Wants To Give In. The Other Half Of Me Wont Let Go. Cause I Know As Long As Your Around, Theres A Chance.. &For That Chance..I`ll Keep Holding On |[[ Thisz Shit Might Not Make Sence.. Its 4:00 In The Morning..& I Just Finished Watchin Love &bASketball for the like..10th time in tha past 3 days...]|   I Still Love You..Shit Don`t Go AwayY   ____ i didnt write disz shit below.. but whoeva did.. mad propsz itsz fuckin amazinq <3   there is a part of your body * that has more contRol than [ anything ] else its ur ( heart <3 )it can make u fall, fLy, laugh cry, scream, smile & ( hurt ) you can feel joy and pain at the same time . it usually makes you learn the hard way, & theres not much of anything that youu can do about it you have no control..  the moment you fall in love you've surrendered tOo its undying passion to harm u - it works for & against you at the same time & although it is deep inside your chest it can give you butterflies in your stomach, & a constant ache in your head _ it's the key too knowing everything without knowing ( anything at all ) .. its mystery lies in its beauty * | its majestic presence can either fufill u or empty your soul _ it's nature's purest way of keeping you on your toes & the only thing you need to know about it is to listen to it | it's that simple .. it's the most pure & honest part of your body - so let it guide you to where ever it wants to take u because more likely than not, you'll end up right where                                      .. you|[ should  ]|be  <3     ____* 11/30/06 && whenever i start to get over you,    something makes me think of you again. i hear a song..i hear your naime..&then im back to wishin i was with you again.. then as the tears start to fall, all i can  seem to recall.. is all the days we shared together, and how i thought it would be forever.. <|3 turns out i was wrong.. © [ i wrote that, take it ; you DIE! ]

[ feeling : like dying ]
[ bumpin to0 : nothing.]

wow. i hate myseLf.. & idno i felt like writing earlier, but now i dont rly give a shit since NO1 reads this shit neways. pce the fuck out. maybe i`ll go to bed...